we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
