Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I woke up under a house in Key West
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