A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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