fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
