I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
