I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
The uberlube is also flammable
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
