Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
