If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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