....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
