He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
