this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
You dont lie about slip and slides
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
