You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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