i already hear my dad disowning me
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
