i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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