You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
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