I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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