Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize