I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
