hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i think my mom watched the whole time
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
