Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
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i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
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I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Do you have feelings for this penis?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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