I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Ladies don't puke and tell
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
