can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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