the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
