well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
