I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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