i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize