My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I am never drinking with the goths again.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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