dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
