Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
