btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
