i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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