Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
