Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
