You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
