I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
