We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
