I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Randomize
