I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
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When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
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