Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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