don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
