I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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