His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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