The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
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