im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
