My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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