can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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