Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
