hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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