As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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