had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
