just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
