I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
