I need help removing her.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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