Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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