One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
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He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
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Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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