Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Success! We fucked roommates!
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
