wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
my poor anus
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Randomize
