im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
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Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
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You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
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I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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