That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
