I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank