I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
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literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
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You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on