onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
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dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
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This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.