You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.