just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
