The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
