i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
