so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
i drank out of a bidet.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
