remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
