I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
