im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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