I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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