When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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