I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
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