is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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