You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Randomize
