It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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